Many might say Nicky was just a dog but to me she had been my best friend for the past 12 years and now has become the loss of my life. All of you here in this funeral knew my dog but no one knew her like me, not even my parents nor sister. I knew everything about her, how Nicky was scared of fireworks, how she would always run up to my room when it was raining or people were over, her fear of going up the stairs. She had many fears however I only had one and it was losing her, the only thing keeping me going was her.
Some days the realization hits me harder than others. I used to love being in my room and being home. Now I can’t stand it, I see her in every corner, her imprint remains on her favorite pillow in my room, I still hear her bark whenever I come home, I hear her running to the fridge every time I open it. Everything has changed for the worst since she has left. I can’t bear with the loud silence that now fills every aspect of my home. I can’t live with the fact that I wasn’t there for her during her last moments, she died scared and unaccompanied. This will forever be the biggest heartbreak of my life as Nicky was my first pet having her by my side for 12 years. I hold this guilt in me everyday since the day she departed from me. I didn’t try hard enough, I didn’t care for her enough, her death feels as if it is all my fault. It has only been three weeks since her passing but it feels like it has been years. It feels so wrong continuing my life like normal, going out, getting ready, and having fun without her. I shouldn’t be enjoying my life anymore if Nicky isn’t in it alive and safe.
I feel her presence everywhere in my home. There’s so many traces of her in the house yet I have nothing of her, no clay paw print, no ashes, no Nicky. It hits me harder when I see my other dog, he waits for her at the door, looks for her at every corner, still leaves her spot on the bed untouched, the bowl of dog food takes longer to get empty now, Richie became clingy, he can’t be left home alone anymore. I knew she was reaching that age where most dogs reach their end but I never prepared myself, I never expected it, I wasn’t even able to give myself the time needed to process the drastic change happening in my life.
I will always remember the way she would protect me, even if she wasn’t a big and scary dog she protected me in her own way. When my mom would enter my room Nicky would bark at her till she left. I always found it funny and would tell Nicky to stop but now I realize it was her way of thinking she could keep me safe. I hate the way that I wasn’t able to do the same for her to protect and keep her safe. I hope she knows how happy she made me and how much I loved her and for that I say she’s the loss of my life.
Andrea Arteaga-Medina – Marist High School – DMSF Class of 2029
Photo Credit: Andrea Arteaga-Medina’s Mother