Dear my past self,
Your pencil taps loudly against the table. The thunder booms from outside. You stare into the distance in your grey Adidas hoodie, black leggings, and your brand new Canvas SK8-HI Vans. Your beady eyes land on the teacher as she passes out the exams; you have been preparing for this day. There is no need to worry. All those nights you spent studying analogies and vocabulary words will be worth it. You will make your teachers and friends proud. You should not be scared. You can do this.
You were very shy, but you aren’t now. Even though you knew that you needed to change and speak up- you didn’t. Why? Were you scared that no one would like you? I know it’s difficult to stop studying and to take a break in September; when exams are in October and November, but you need to stop! Even though it wasn’t right for those kids to call you “Tryhard,” part of you knew that they were right. You should’ve taken a break. Maybe if you did, you wouldn’t be on the verge to go to the hospital to get blood transfusions! Not eating and sleeping properly wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. Those headaches, when you couldn’t think straight, and all those temper issues- why? But I am proud of you; because even though you went through all of this, you continued to believe and love yourself.
Getting 2178 on your SSAT is a huge deal for you- but your parents wanted more. They had strived for perfection. I mean like you know that they didn’t get the chance to complete their education, but that doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. Even though that, you ignored their petty comments and didn’t stop. Getting a 294 in math NWEA was something that you couldn’t have imagined doing, but the routine was the same. “Next time, make sure you go higher than that,” was the answer you were expecting. This was, of course, the response you got. Most of the time, you felt like a robot. Wake up, eat, study, school, study study study study… You were ignored by your parents, sister and sometimes you felt useless. But I am glad that you didn’t take it seriously. You know what struggles you went through, and as long as you came out stronger, everything will be fine. I thank you for remembering there is no genuine way of loving yourself while striving to be perfect.
Of course, some people were always there for you. People that always had your back; like Leila, Selma, Huda, Micheal, Kaleb, Darius, Evan, Shirley, and Sana. They were friends that were hard to find and difficult to forget. You developed a strong friendship with them and remember to not ever misuse it. They are lasting friends- even when school closed, they kept in touch with you. But it was hard. Being separated from them and going to another school in another city. But you did it because you deserve it. You wanted to show the people that doubted you that the struggle was worth it. Because of the struggle, there was progress.
Even though you will be going away from home on August 16 and will start school on your sister’s birthday(August 24), just know that difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. You will change. You will stop arguing with your mom. You will start taking care of yourself. You will learn something. You are an amazing, awesome, and caring person. Just know that I will always love you, no matter who you are. 💖
Lake Forest Academy- DMSF