If I knew then what I know NOW

If I knew then what I know now.

Luz G Gomez 

Mother Mcauley-DMSF

7 / 13 / 2021 

Dear younger me , 

I remember you thinking that everything was always fun and exciting , and that you would forever and ever be with the same friends , and that school wouldn’t get too much harder etc…Well you were/are pretty smart but you were pretty far off from the reality in the future . I want to tell you that in life there will be many moments of trial and error and you will learn something from every experience both good or bad ones. I also want to tell you that growing up isn’t as exciting as you thought or wished it would be . Life is going to be full of so many happy, wonderful… exhilarating moments, but there will also be moments where you are sad, mad, stressed, anxious etc… 

Before I write anything else I want to give you a good piece of advice , you could probably consider it as a warning . My piece of advice / warning is to not trust easily and to give yourself more credit / value yourself. One of the things you struggled with the  most at school is friendships and trust. No , you did not struggle to make new friends and to create a friendship , the part of the friendship that was tricky was trying to please everyone else , but yourself. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you are happy with your friends and that they acknowledge you ,  but believe me you’re not and they don’t . You don’t feel appreciated because you constantly do everything for everyone ,you do what they want you to do.  You constantly put your grades at stake just to please them ( also thank you for not failing any of your classes…ever ) and yet after all the things you did for them they would still exclude you when they chose to, ignored you, made you cry , made you feel like …nothing but yet you stuck with them almost till the end. That is the type of friend you were . Even after all that , and all the times you cried thinking about what you did wrong and telling yourself that you were just over reacting it took you a lot of time to realize that they were simply just treating you wrong. I’m glad to tell you that you will eventually just learn  how to… let them go .  

Trust me it felt amazing when you started acknowledging yourself and you stopped being “ friends “ with them but memories don’t just go away in one night . It did make you a bit sad when you would go to school and see them together and you not being there but you eventually got over it and built stronger relationships with people who actually treated you correctly. I don’t know if you’re wondering or not but I think this is very important for you to know. Your characteristics are going to change a lot , and in your future opinion you think it’s a good change . One last thing I want to let you know, is that you will be excluding yourself more from people and many other things and I want you to know that it’s Ok. It’s Ok because you also have to take time for yourself and your mental and emotional well being. Always remember that you are more than enough and if people can’t see that then just … move on . When you find yourself in a dilemma , know that things will get better sooner or later . 

Sincerely , your future self .