If I knew Then What I Know Now

By: J. Marca

There are a lot of situations where I wish that my younger self would know what I know now.  Out of all of these obstacles that I have encountered I will admit that the biggest struggle was just leaving friends. It may sound dumb but everysince I was young, I dreamed of having someone to come with me throughout my life. Someone who I wont be afraid to tell about my life because I know well, they won’t leave me.

 My mother always has told me that everyone will leave your life, out of everyone you meet only about one or rarely two will stick with you throughout your life. I wished back then that, whatever she said was just something she would say for I cannot get too attached to the people I called friends. I used to shrug it off and go back to my life, getting attached to people I imagined in my future. 

I moved school when I was beginning middle school. My old school had some problems so my parents decided to change schools. I was leaving the people I was with since pre-school and it got sad seeing those people who have been with me for a long time just stay behind. After all, they always had me included in everything even if I was just too small or just didn’t know anything about the topic. During the time of moving schools, I turned to just looking forward to my new school and new people I will meet. I was young and being a young 5th grader really put me in a place where I just wanted to experience good memories with different people . 

When I started my new classes I saw many people with different personalities, and I got excited knowing at least someone will become a friend. I don’t remember how but after a while I got a group of friends that will stick with me throughout my middle school years. Of course there are memories because memories are there no matter what and they were good memories for a while. During 5th-7th, I was still stuck in the imagination that I will grow up with these people and we were even planning to go to the same highschool and live life in a big house. These were all memories that I wanted to cherish with these people, they were my friends and I was happy that I was going to cherish even more memories with my “friends.” 

My last year at my school was really hard for me, especially with the pandemic hitting hard. My knowledge with technology wasn’t really at the point it should’ve been because I got used to it in person for so long. While that was a big change for me too, the biggest change was losing friends. People got distant and at the end I became alone. I don’t want to believe after all of this my mother was right. She was right, about everything she told me about having people next to you that you called friends. I became second guessing thinking that i must’ve done something that made people get so distant, but I couldn’t find anything out anymore. 

I got too focused on just finishing school and leaving for highschool where some mutuals are coming but not my friends. It was disappointing but there was nothing else I could do.  I am just now looking forward to highschool because of the highschool memories not very much of memories with friends. I finally understood what my mother meant when she said “mejores amigos no existen.”

Judith Jae Marca – DMSF