Me vs. Me

Everything happens for a reason. Don’t ever put your full trust into anyone, regardless of who they are. Trust no one but yourself. Don’t listen to people’s words but watch their actions. Words don’t matter if they can’t keep their word. Actions and patterns don’t lie. Things get hard sometimes and you may feel like you can’t get through them but you can. Be you no matter what, don’t change yourself for anyone. This is my story. 

As a child with a wishy-washy father it wasn’t enjoyable. You were in the minority of our age of kids who had a father that wasn’t “there“. Do you remember not wanting to go to father daughter dances just because of how our father was. Not noticing being our young self, We’d only see our father 3 times a year. Do you remember getting ready on random Saturday mornings after canceling all our plans because dad said he’d come get me. You would wait for hours and hours at a time & be left disappointed 95% of the time.

The older you get the more you realized you were wasting my time. You stopped reaching out, you stopped asking for things , you didn’t force anything , and you didn’t beg for him to be a father to me. When you were young you thought my father was very kind, but over time you learned nothing but how selfish he was. He didn’t like the fact that you were HIS daughter and the responsibilities that came with it, he just liked the thought of it. Over the years of begging and pleading for him to be a father you realized he’d never be better. He became a Husband, and dad of two other children , and a step-father. He can be father to others but not to us? Why are you so different from his other children? What did you ever do to deserve this ?

The older you get, the worse it gets . You began to get into arguments with our father. Not just petty arguments, real arguments. We’d argue over things like my doctor appointments, simply because he didn’t like that you didn’t tell him every time you had an appointment. Though, If he would’ve known it wouldn’t have changed anything. When he found out you started going to therapy at the beginning of middle school was the biggest issue. Our father had always been the kind of man to try and manipulate you and make you seem wrong though it was something you had never understood.

He’d always make sure that after every conversation you felt any emotion but happiness. you  always felt like he’d always just wanted to hurt me especially because that’s all he ever did. You feel like our whole life was just us trying to understand why you weren’t good enough for our own father. You were always hoping our father would come to his senses and just be there for us for once. It sucks to say that we’re  still waiting. My father didn’t raise us,instead he chose to abandon us and what I feel is the worst way possible.

Just be you the entire time. Don’t get discouraged at all. Everything happens for a reason and just take everything as a lesson. It’s a lot more to come but you’re going to get through it. You’re doing big things now ! Keep that in mind. 

Anonymous – DMSF Class of 2027