Have you ever been in a toxic relationship with anyone? How did you deal with your situation? Hi, I’m Avani, and I’ve been in a toxic friendship. Growing up, I was shy and extremely introverted, but that all changed in 6th grade. Walking into a brand new school with so many new faces, I was terrified of making friends. I didn’t like talking to people for any reason. At the time, being the new kid who was very quiet and shy, people were quick to take advantage of me. A’mani, my first ever “friend” was always talking and laughing with me. I found her to be so true and kind to me.. in the beginning.
Before I started really hanging out with her, a lot of people had warned me about A’mani, a lot. They always told me that I shouldn’t ever talk to her or get too close to her because she was the type of person to switch up on you for whatever reason without any hesitation. I guess I was just too stubborn, or didn’t want to believe that my best friend was the complete opposite of what she seemed. Later, as A’mani and I quickly became the best of friends, she started to get controlling.
She would tell me who I could and could not hang out with, forcing me to sit with her in every class. At first, I thought that it was just a phase and she’d later learn to let me be, but that wasn’t the case. I’m wasn’t totally sure why I put up with her for so long. I just thought she needed a friend in her life who was gonna stay by her every step of the way. As time passed, we grew closer and started telling each other personal information, but A’mani was so quick to tell everyone what I specifically told her and only her for a reason.
One time was fine, she apologized, but doing it twice? Never again. I stopped telling her things, and she always asked why.. like she wasn’t the blame. I remember I told her about something going on at home, and she told me, “Oh, don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Five. Minutes. Later. She goes ahead telling people at lunch and soon enough, the whole lunchroom finds out. I was so mad, and wasn’t gonna let it happen again. So from that moment on, I wasn’t telling her anything more. What makes it worse is that she found no issue in the situation and thought everything was perfectly fine.
That incident really stuck with me for multiple reasons. One, she had sympathy for me so she acted like she understood me in a way. Two, she lied to me, saying she wouldn’t tell a soul. Finally, she didn’t even realise her mistake, but that’s okay because I realised something for her. I became fully aware of the decision I had to make, to slowly get out of her grasp.
Yes, I hung around her for three years, but I distanced myself throughout those years. As A’mani kept telling me to sit with her, I sat with someone else. The truest friend I ever made, Chris’tiana. She showed me that there are better people in the world who will understand you and because of her, I know what it feels like to be loved and appreciated in a not so obsessive way. . Chris’tiana proved to me that people will care for you, in a healthy way. She understood where I was coming from, and always kept her word. Chris’tiana was well aware of my problem with A’mani, and she always stuck by me. Through highs and lows, Cece (Chris’tiana) was there. So now, as I look for friends in high school, I know when to remove myself and when to insert myself, before it’s too late. I am forever grateful for Cece.
If at all you, the reader, are feeling overwhelmed by any stress of toxic or abusive relationships, please speak up. Do not be afraid to speak your mind and stand up for yourself because your comfortability comes first. Your safety comes first. You are the person that should always come before any other. I would just like to add that I have learned from this experience the hard way. I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through this and be okay with it. Thank you for reading and as always, stay safe.
Avani Frausto – De La Salle Institute – DMSF Class of 2029
Photo Credit: nicoletaionescu – Adobe Stock